Greta Gerwig’s upcoming Barbie movie is one of the most hotly anticipated releases of the summer. But what about the other types of dolls that used to crowd our childhood bedrooms… and that many have passed on to their own daughters? What if they got movies too?
Apparently Saturday Night Live was been wondering the same thing. And this past weekend they released a new movie trailer parody that imagines exactly what it would be like if American Girl Dolls hit the silver screen (the answer: not quite as glamorous).
In a spoof to end all spoofs, the cast wore way too much period clothing to show just what it would be like if the history-rick (and conservatively dressed) toys got their moment, with Chloe Fineman playing Samantha, Heidi Gardner playing Kirsten, Molly Kearney playing Molly, and Sarah Sherman playing Kit. Host Ana de Armas joined the fun playing Josefina.
“Not all dolls live in a dream house,” the narrator begins. “Some are bigger, younger, sadder.”
The trailer skips to the dolls introducing themselves, and sharing their extremely tragic childhoods that many of us remember from reading their companion novels.
“I watched my parents die in a boat,” says Samantha.
“My best friend Marta died of cholera,” says Kirsten.
“I don’t know my birthday because I’m a runaway slave,” Addy shares.
The girls then take part in a fashion show, in which dowdy bonnets and four layers of underthings is the norm, which is just a bit different from Barbie’s hot pink hot pants. And then they have to do chores like churning butter and scrubbing the floors instead of riding around in a Corvette or going on the waterslide.
Just like in the Barbie trailer, the girls leave behind their own world and strike out for the modern one, though it seems like their journey (in a cover wagon) will be fatal for a few of the girls. But, as all five of the girls say throughout the horror-laden trailer, “That’s okay!”
Reviews of the movie are completely honest and hilarious, like, “These little girls are going through too much,” and “I laughed. I cried. I cried. I cried.”
The movie also got a feature and rave review in Girls Who Played Soccer Magazine. Hitting a little too close to home, there, SNL.
Real fans of the dolls will notice tons of thoughtful touches, from the girls’ on-target outfits to the trunks of possessions we glimpse in the background to the portraits of the girls hanging over their beds. It seems like whoever put this spoof together also still has a soft spot for the dolls, even if their storylines were more than a little bleak.