When picking out a baby name for a child, some parents go against the grain and pick something that is out of the box and unique, while others opt for family names to honor someone special in their life. When it comes to family names, there may be some controversy between siblings or other family members who may want to call dibs.
For one brother and sister, a family baby name debacle emerged from some tragic circumstances, and now the brother is wondering if he is in the wrong for how he reacted during his sister’s gender reveal party.
In the popular subreddit, “Am I The A—hole?,” Reddit user u/Patient-Ad8524 asked for advice about a complicated situation between himself and his sister regarding a family baby name.
He begins to explain that after their grandmother, Victoria, passed away, he and his sister, Layla, had agreed that whomever was to have a child first would have dibs on that name. He explained that he and his wife, Pam, had gotten pregnant first and planned to use the name.
“We found out it was a girl and did a gender reveal where we announced we were going to use the name Victoria,” he wrote. “My sister was not upset about this and jokingly said something along the lines of you beat me to the punch.”
A few months later, his sister announced that she was also pregnant. However, a few months after that, Pam gave birth a stillborn. “…while our daughter was never alive, my wife gave birth to her, it was just too early for the baby to live sadly. Our daughter is buried in a grave that says Victoria,” he wrote.
While they still remained amicable, the OP and his wife took a break from seeing Layla as it was painful to be around a pregnant woman. After a few months, they decided they were in a good enough place to attend Layla’s gender reveal.
However, things took a turn when Layla revealed that the baby was a girl and was planning to name her Victoria. Unsurprisingly, the OP flipped out.
After confronting his sister, she defended herself saying that since they “weren’t using the name, it’s only fair she should get to.”
He wrote that he proceeded to call his sister an “evil human being who doesn’t deserve to be a mother,” and now, his family has turned against him demanding that he apologize to sister.
The “AITA” post — which has been upvoted on Reddit over 10k times — received over 1k comments with several Reddit users coming to the defense of the OP.
“I’m definitely going to say a NTA, what your sister did was definitely horrible, but has she actually experienced losing a child? She probably doesn’t understand the feeling. I don’t think you should have gone to begin with honestly,” one user wrote.
Another echoed, “NTA. I am utterly dumbfounded and appalled by your sister’s lack of care. You and your wife had a baby daughter named Victoria. The name ‘Victoria’ is on her grave. Good Lord you two have suffered enough, I can’t believe your sister would be so cruel as to use the same name, without consulting you, so close in time to your loss. And to have it be revealed like this? I can’t even.”
Another Reddit user thought that the OP was in the wrong for misdirecting his hurt and pain onto his sister.
“YTA -I’m sorry to say that, and this is not going to be a popular opinion, but at least it’s more misguided and caused by pain than intentionally dickish or malicious. What happened to you and your wife is tragic, and I’m sorry for the pain and suffering you went through, but your reaction is on you, not anyone else,” they wrote, noting that the OP and his wife could benefit from therapy.
Another replied similarly, noting, ‘YTA, but gently. She’s allowed to use the name. I’m sorry for you and Pam’s loss, but a living child should be able to have the name it shouldn’t take away from your daughter you lost. Obvs so personally would have never done this but I think you telling her she doesn’t deserve to be a mom & ruining an entire party does make you the asshole.”
Other Reddit users landed somewhere in the middle, commenting that “Everybody Sucks Here.”
“She should not have named her baby Victoria, absolutely not and definitely not without discussing with you first. But “she is an evil human being who doesn’t deserve to be a mother” – that’s out of line, that’s so far beyond the line that the line is a dot to you. What she did to you and Pam (which I agree was wrong and, at the very best case scenario, just completely misjudged) had nothing to do with being a bad mother and you categorically do not tell someone who is in a high risk pregnancy that they don’t deserve to be a mother,” they wrote.
“You should apologise, so should she. She should use the name as a middle name, not a first name – you don’t own the name but she should be more tactful and respectful.”
Read the entire Reddit thread here.